I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
