i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
