there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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