I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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