I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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