tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
