neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
