Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
