i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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