Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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