sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
