he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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