Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
