Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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