but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
