Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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