I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
