I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
