I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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