What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
