So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
