I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
