Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
