just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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