Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
