if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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