Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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