I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just google imaged poop.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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