Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
