Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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