My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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