I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
