I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
