yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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