just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
