Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You're like the curious george of whores
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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