Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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