Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
