some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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