Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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