Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
