I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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