You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
