I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
