Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
