Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
