So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
if only i could text you this smell
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
