I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
