in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
