there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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