just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
