At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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