i may or may not be watching the land before time
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
